Deborah Tannen: Men and Women
January 5, 2006
This conversation, in one form or another, happens almost daily between us. In truth, I really thought she was just being difficult.
A married couple was in a car when the wife turned to her husband and asked, “Would you like to stop for a coffee?”
“No, thanks,” he answered truthfully. So they didn’t stop.
The result? The wife, who had indeed wanted to stop, became annoyed because she felt her preference had not been considered. The husband, seeing his wife was angry, became frustrated. Why didn’t she just say what she wanted?
I am going to have to readjust my thinking towards my wife; what I consider to be just “whining” isn’t so at all. I’m always thinking, “why talk about it if you aren’t going to do anything about it?”
To many men a complaint is a challenge to come up with a solution. Mark thought he was reassuring Eve by telling her there was something she could do about her scar. But often women are looking for emotional support, not solutions.
I got a good chuckle when I read the next part:
A cartoon shows a husband opening a newspaper and asking his wife, “Is there anything you’d like to say to me before I start reading the paper?” We know there isn’t – but that as soon as the man begins reading, his wife will think of something.
Our version is, as soon as I get comfortable, wifey will send me on a trip to the kitchen. Several times! Read the entire article, I’m sure you’ll laugh, and probably learn something new.
